Where do I even begin ? 

This album is one that in my opinion should be listened to, and even studied, by every woman on earth.

Like Blonde by Frank Ocean, I was pretty young when it came out in June 2017.

11 turning 12 to be exact. I only knew SZA from her feature on Rihanna’s (mother.) legendary ANTI record. Again, I won’t talk about my first listening experience because nbgaf. 

However, this album was and is to me and many women essential to our growth.

It’s not ONLY for us because I am sure that even men relate to it to some capacity.

But I do think that if more men listened to it, life would be better.

(instant green flag if you do)

I believe that teenage hood is the time where you're the most vulnerable. Hormones are rushing, feelings are heightened (good and bad) and you start creating, little by little, your personality and character in this crazy society we live in.

And for women, it's a little harder. 

And to any man, sorry, boy*  that disagrees,

go kindly ask your mother 💋

👎🏽

Yes, women are pressured by society on so many levels. First, their appearance.

If you’re skinny, you’re “flat”

If you’re curvy, you’re “fat”

You have to be sexy, but not slutty

Smart but not nerdy

And if you're from a minority, oh boy. It's worse.

You have to live up to your parents expectations and respect your traditions. But you also have to fit in, still trying to blend into standards that were never designed for you. You constantly compare yourself to beauty standards that are stereotypically white women that look nothing like you.

And you’re reminded of that every single time.

By men. By social media.

By society in general. 

👍🏽

As a north african, algerian, berber woman, with a muslim upbringing, trust me, I know.

What’s even worse is that those same beauty standards keep on changing. 

Let me break it down for you. 

Once, beauty meant tall, blonde, and skinny. Then it morphed into “curves,” tanned skin, and full lips—but not because women from minorities were finally celebrated.

NO, lol. 

Instead, white women borrowed, bought, or surgically recreated those features. They stole them and sold them back to us.

How fucking insane is this.

During your teenagehood, all of this is multiplied by 100’s. And you have to balance that with school, friends, first lovers, family… So just imagine

Personally, I’ve always wanted to have an older sister.

And although I was lucky enough to experience a little bit of that dynamic with my older cousin Sirine or my best friends, it doesn't quite compare to actually having one. 

SZA felt like a big sister in that album.

And every time I need comfort, and even guidance, I go back to it.

The more I grew old, the more I related. Still do.

And unfortunately, I can confidently say that, now, I have experienced similar situations to every song of the album. 

yikes!

Supermodel about not being confident enough and having the guy you like be interested in other “prettier” women (and cheating duh)

Love Galore about them coming back lmao

Doves in the wind about you having way more to offer than just sex

Drew Barrymore about planning your entire night based on your expectations on someone who at the end obviously disappoints you

Prom about thinking you are not maturing as fast as the others around you

The Weekend about wanting to at least be part of someone’s schedule as a fallback of not being their priority 

Go Gina about mfs talking behind your back

Garden about needing love but doubting you deserve it

Broken Clocks about balancing your life 

Anything about not putting things into perspective and falling

Wavy about a rocky relationship and dependencies

Normal Girl about not fitting in, comparing yourself to others

Pretty Little Birds about wanting to fall for someone even after traumas 

20 something about not having your life together & not knowing what the fuck you’re doing. 

Song that I relate to the most right now, as I am about to turn 20. I feel lost but comforted because thanks to her, I know I’m not alone.

I saw her perform it last year at a festival, and simply just cried my eyes out.

And weirdly, I felt like, her singing it live, cleansed my soul.

It felt like she was there, hugging me.

Anyways…

I wanna thank every producer and sound engineers behind this record.

To SZA’s grandmother and mother, thank you for your beautiful wisdom

and obviously, 

Solána Imani Rowe, thank you for this survival manual

and for being an older sister to many girls out there,

including myself. 

I hope I get to tell you this in person someday, 

until then,

Hey Siri,

play CTRL by SZA.