Dear readers, I’m back.

I know I haven't written in a while. I got caught up. Work, school, moving again, my mental health and I almost forgot that writing was part of my own personal therapy. 

A few weeks ago, I was at a party and I introduced myself to someone. And after a few minutes, he asked me “Wait, what’s home to you then ?”

I've had incredible luck, thanks to my parents, to live and experience many different countries throughout my life. I was born in Paris, France, but lived in Algeria, Morocco, the UAE, the US, and now Singapore. Yeah, I know, crazy. And I’m

sooooooooooo grateful.

But when I had to answer that first question, I paused for a second. 

Where’s my home ? 

Do I even have one ?

I’m currently based in Singapore.

It’s part of my college program, my last year before graduating.

And the city is AMAZING.

However last year, we were in LA. And that was well… special.

LA is, for the first month, basing your geographical skills on the GTA map. It’s FAST. It’s being on set every weekend. It’s styling for Nike LA. It’s fitting sessions at mine. It’s making new friends.

It’s Pacey and I going on side quests. It’s Kanwulia being a big sister. It’s Kelly and Jasmine smoking on my rooftop while explaining that they have my back and that if they have to jump someone they will. It’s Em doing my edges for the first time. It’s Faithyn, Lianne, Cameron & Azaan.

It’s Cléa making me watch her favourite psychological thrillers. It’s Armelle and I thrifting. LA is Louis’s car. It’s our frat parties. LA is Armelle and Clea’s rave party. It’s the boys dressing up as minions for Halloween. It’s Camille and Victoire.

It’s murals of Kobe and Nipsey everywhere. It’s Mustafa’s kitaba listening. It’s meeting Daniel Caesar. It’s getting interviewed by Tommy the Clown LMAO.

It’s 10 year old me dreaming of going to Camp Flog Gnaw, and that year actually going. It’s seeing Tyler perform for the first time. It’s him performing Chromakopia for the first time. It’s Julia and I shaking ass to Sexy Redd. It’s Skitz, Gus and Nick going crazy over Tyler’s set. It’s all of us crying during Daniel’s. It’s seeing Andre 3000 play the flute. It’s Rolling Loud with Gus. It’s seeing Rocky perform for the first time. It’s him performing on a helicopter after beating his case. It’s experiencing IAM MUSIC live.

And it’s graduating from UCLA. (period)

Nice, south of France, was where it all began though: our first year of college. My first year living alone, in my first big girl apartment. Nice is Coursaleya every Friday night. It’s beach sunsets. It’s the tram. It’s cigarettes breaks between every class. It’s Madd doing my nails and us eating pizza right after. It’s going to Cannes and Monaco once a month at least. It’s turning 18!

But most importantly, Nice is my first time meeting a lot of the names I’ve already mentioned, some of the most important people in my life.

Algeria is where I am from. Where my parents and all of my elders are from.

Algeria is the first three years of my life but also all of my summers up until I was 16.

It’s sometimes my accent.

It’s my dad being surrounded by his friends telling me stories about their younger days. It’s my grandparents' garden and pool. Algeria is my grandpa’s barbecues our white plastic chairs. It’s my grandmother’s and my aunty's cooking.

It’s sleeping with my other aunty watching every classic movie or show. My first Disneys, Harry Potters, Star Wars… but also my first Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girl. It’s her downloading those bitches illegally cause tf we looked like paying for Netflix there ????

It’s all of my cousins. It’s the 12 of us sleeping on 4 mattresses in the middle of the living room. It’s my Nintendo DS, Pokemon and Inazuma Eleven. It’s GTA, Fifa, and COD on their PS4.

It’s the AC, water and even electricity not working half the time. Its Coca-Cola bottles filled with water (don’t ask me why, I still don’t know).

Algeria is streets filled with love and culture. Painted in colours and perfumed with flavours. It’s a country marked by colonisation. As well as a country having a lot of issues.

But you either take everything, the good with the bad, or you don’t. 

I wrote an essay when I was 17 about my culture clash.

“Too French for Algeria but too Algerian for France” was the title.

Because France, on the other hand, that's different.

France is my childhood. From age 4 to age 12.

My first day of school and my Hello-Kitty backpack. It's my parent’s very Parisian apartment.

It's my beautiful Eiffel.

France is my first friends and my first crushes. It’s my first macarons and croissants.

It’s my childhood bedroom. It’s Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. It’s Violetta and The Amazing world of Gumball. It’s my Rihanna and Michael Jackson posters.

It’s my first dance and tennis classes. It’s Football and le Parc des Princes.

France is also my dad’s CD collection. It’s my first Christmas. 

It’s my discovery of Hip-Hop. It’s where I fell in love with fashion. It’s my first runway and FW. It’s my first ever concert, Supertramp.

It’s some of my best friends, Joan, Adèle, Ambre, Arthur, Marc & Amely. It’s le métro. It’s Dinand per Ferdi and their Guarapitas.

It’s le Relais de l’Entrecôte and Carette. It’s Le Marais and the Supreme store. It’s Dover Street Market.

It’s my first events and nightclubs. It’s Le Rouge & DeFlower.

Also my first bad memories. Learning what racism and islamophobia was and experiencing it for the first time.

It’s my first time protesting in the streets. It’s my first time defending myself.

And while France still has a long and necessary way to go when it comes to the recognition and treatment of all its minorities, my love for it remains still. And I will forever be proud of that.

We moved to Dubai when I was 12.

And let’s not get it twisted, this was pre- Influencer, Dubai Chocolate, Matcha Era. 

And tbh I barely recognize Dubai now that I go visit.

Dubai was all of my friend’s Friday afternoons with a barbecue at mine.

It’s Sana, Jalwan, Mehdi, Enzo, Carl, Lina, Felix, Marion, Zeina, Giulio, Ali and Fuad.

But it’s also Leah, Nuren, Abia, Rania, Alison and Shanaya

And Judy, Jumana, Noor, Saif, Mohamed, Sharif.

It’s Souk Extra.

It was the endless beach days at Kite.

Our school uniforms and yellow buses. Our teachers!

KIDZANIA OH MY GOD. The MOE hangouts.

It's Cheesecake Factory at JBR and our boat parties.

It’s going fishing with my dad and going shopping with my mom. It's my sleepovers at my aunties house whenever I wanted to go home past my curfew.

It's desert nights.

It’s my room full of posters of Rocky, Nast and Virgil. It’s my record collection

And it’s my high-school graduation and my prom.

I met all of my future bridesmaids and brides men there.

Rayan was the first person I talked to. He sat down next to me on my first day. And we chatted so much that the teacher asked him to move. He then spent lunch break telling me how Astroworld was a life-changing album.

Rayan’s now studying Law in Paris, on a royal path to become the best lawyer you'll ever know.

If you're wondering how I know he's good, you should've watched us teaming up every single time in International Relations class when we were 16. He’s a fucking beast. I’m right behind though.

That same day, Rayan introduced me to another kid, Omar. Moroccan, relaxed dude. 

Our first conversation was over couscous and which one was better. And the obvious right answer is the Algerian one (even though he still disagrees). Omar has literally always been there for me, just like Rayan. Both FC Barcelona fans, maybe not a coincidence. And the first thing he’s probably gonna say when he reads this is: “Nan Wallah t’abuses, le couscous ça a toujours été Marocain”. Omar is in Paris as well studying Engineering. Yeah he’s also a fucking beast. 

The last boy that I met that will probably be helping me choose my wedding dress is Ewen. Ewen is…. well. He’s Ewen. Super tall cliche french boy and honestly every girl’s crush (he’s single btw if anyone is interested).

Ewen and I used to HATE each other when we first met. He really can get on your nerves, super sarcastic and usually never chooses the right moment to piss you off. But he literally became a brother just like the other two shenanigans. OH AND GIRLS, Ewen is a finance bro ;). Studies in London. Beast as well. (all of my friends are smart as fuck)

Those 3 pretty much treat me like absolute shit when I'm around but deep down, very very deep down, love and care. 

AND MY GIRLS. Oh My.

Sheryne is honestly the sweetest girl you will ever meet. She and I got close pretty late actually, around Senior year. She’s is like my Moroccan long lost sister. But somehow acts like a mother with everyone. She will make you feel comfortable and surrounded no matter what the situation is. Oh and if Sheryne is cooking, everyone is pulling up, that's for sure. And hopefully she might join me in Singapore in a few months for a finance internship!!!! (again smart asf)

Isaure is probs slowly smiling after lowkey getting mad at me for not mentioning her earlier.

But this one, guys, is my best friend. 6 years and going strong. We’ve been through everything together. and I mean EVERYTHING. She is my parent’s adoptive daughter as well. And tbh, she’s the whitest Arab you’ll meet.

But Isaure is well, my maid of honor. If you know me, you know her and vice versa. Nothing else to add.

NYC is where I plan on going next.

And I already have an idea of how much I’m gonna enjoy it.

Thanks to her.

I know, I know… This was a long one. But I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest. (told y’all this was therapeutic)

To answer the guy that asked me that question: “Where’s your home ?”

Home isn’t really a location. Home is a person.

Home is my family.

Home is my friends, every single one of them.

The memories I made with them.

That’s what’s home.

Anyways,

To my friends & my family
thank you for being my constant through every version of me


Until then…

Hey Siri, Call Mom